Sherlock's Final Teisho

[note: As some of you may know, Sherlock was an advanced Zen master. The photo shows him with his paws on the zabuton, indicating that he had full ownership of that cushion. Full ownership was a very important principle to him, and he always demonstrated it in his practice. Masters in the Buddhist tradition often know they are dying, and leave final instructions. We discovered the transcript of this talk to the Kittens, his followers, on our computer last night.]

kittens dear kittens
lifeanddeath is
the great matter
and now my time is come

i have spoken
with you often
telling you about
things as i see them

and i am most gratified
to see that a few
of you were
paying attention
although i must agree
that tustling and napping
were often a more
appropriate response

i am much more gratified
than with my silly attempts
to train my people
in the noble skill
they insisted in calling
giving the cat his treats

i quickly gave up on the man
seeing that he was simply unable
to grasp the subtle intricacies
which were required

the woman was coming along
very nicely until she got it
into her head to move
the library box which
made no sense at all

even she never quite grasped
the notion that constant practice
was necessary in order to
master this routine

i was telling you this story
in order to make a point
but my mind has become cloudy
everything passes quickly away

kittens don’t look
to the tallest
or the strongest
or the smartest one
to tell you what is true
the answer always lies
within yourself
nowhere else after all
you are - The Cat

thank you very much
and now get on
with it

kittens i say to you
when you fight, bite down
on the thing and kick it
with your back legs
a lot do not stint
show it no mercy this
one classic strategy will
serve you well all
your life you don't ever
need any other practice
use it without discrimination
on catnip mice or mu s
or failing that the
bottom of the couch
i am telling you this kung
fu thing is a human fad
and you are best staying
away from it pretty paw
action is not where its
at do not succumb to
the allure of youtube
fame is fleeting and not
that tasty

An invasion of Mu

the woman got back
from the doctor
today and said
mankind cannot stand
too much reality this
is a quote from a famous
cat poet
too much Mu she said
now arthritis
that's nothing
pls see attached photo
that is the back of my head
of course
and i am on the kitchen table
which is my territory
and as you can see
the Mu wanted to get in
regard
the terror in his eyes
im sorry but
you have to set boundaries

no big deal

this morning there i was again
up on my ledge
imperious
sipping from the bathroom sink
its my own business
and nothing to get excited about
so i decided to try jumping up again
or maybe i am a substitute cat
like a temp
brought in in the night
a younger more able cat
who knows question mark
i do but im not saying

no moral lesson

tonight as usual i
waited until the woman
brushed her teeth then
i went to jump up on the john
but i slipped back
some cats might not
but i just walked down the hall
to recover my dignity
and then went back and
jumped up on the john
from there to the sink
there is no message in this
though i must say
not all cats are as courageous
as i

Readers ask: What is the secret to happiness?

[photo: Me, contented]

Recently, a human visitor to my home said - her voice full of admiration - That is the most contented cat I've ever seen. I wish I could relax like that. And so on. It was plain that she wanted to know my secret to happiness. I will try to answer, even though I suppose I'm going to sound like one of those Buddha cats. It can't be helped. I am what I am.

First of all, what do I have to be unhappy about? I have a pretty cushy life. Warm, dry, safe, well-fed, hardly ever screamed at. I have my own private litterbox and a sizable territory in which I am the only cat. I am the center of this world, universally admired for my talent and beauty. These things don't hurt.

But it's a fact that a lot of cats who have all that are still not happy. If they're out, they want in. If they're in, they want out. If they're not allowed out, like me, they won't accept it, but keep trying to rush the door and getting squished in the process. They have plenty to eat, yet they make their owners miserable winding around their ankles in the kitchen meowing pathetically, not willing to wait a minute for their bit of the fish. Every meow seems to say, Want.Want. There's the problem. Those cats are victims of their craving.

I'm not saying a cat shouldn't crave a treat now and then, or be curious about what's on the other side of the door. The thing is not to be obsessed with what you want. That's called ambition - a human trait that can rub off on their animals, and it isn't pretty.

If you cultivate detachment and aren't grabby, all sorts of rare and interesting things naturally come your way. I always like to point out that it's in the posture. Nine times out of ten, if you just sit watching your humans eat, paws together neatly, and stare up at them with large, beautiful eyes, as if you could speak, they will cave.

If they don't, you'll live. You don't have to win every time. Kittens don't believe that, but it's true.

deep thoughts

You see a pretty cardinal.
I see dinner.

Zen Cat

[photo: Sherlock in his fat suit]

I, Sherlock, actually have a domain called zencat.com, though I haven’t figured out how to get up on it yet. The filing cabinet is easier.

People sometimes take one look at me and say, Who are you to call yourself a Zen cat? You aren’t black. You aren’t even one solid color. Or thin.

It’s true, I am blessed with healthy avoirdupois. I eat Cheezits, after all. And houseplants. Then there’s the history inscribed in my body. One of my canine teeth got broken off in a street fight. I have a notch in my ear. But most of all, I am a piebald cat.

Being piebald I am basically white overlaid with irregular splotches of tabbyish gray and taupe. I have black eyeliner around one eye. That probably means something, but I don’t know what. Anyway, every piebald cat is like me, but at the same time, unique. That’s Zen, being contradictory.

I’ll tell you what Zen isn’t. It isn’t about having no fur at all so you never shed and nobody ever has to vacuum. Shedding is natural. The world wasn’t invented for humans. Get used to it.